Sylph's Page

Thursday, September 11, 2008


The ongoing border saga of Sylph, Rob, and Ever
Current mood: determined
Category: Life

<<The following is an account of the happenings that have led to an American mother and her Canadian-born infant daughter being thrown out of Canada, and separated from their Canadian partner/father. They are currently stranded in Buffalo, NY, trying to get back to Toronto, to reunite with their family. The story is told from the mother's point of view...

On January 28th of 2007, I was traveling through Arizona, and stopped at an intentional community called Terra Sante, which was outside of Tucson. I met Rob (a Canadian from Toronto) there, and it became immediately obvious to both of us that we were made for one another. We stayed for a scant month at Terra Sante, and when it was time for me to go and claim my kids back from their father for my custodial time with them (we share split custody, and take turns keeping the kids with the intervals left to their discretion) Rob accompanied me to Arkansas to pick them up, and then to Oklahoma, where I own a home.

We hung out in Oklahoma for a couple of months, and then returned to Terra Sante again, this time with my 2 older kids (then 15 and 11) in tow. We stayed there from May 6th through mid-June, and then went back briefly to Oklahoma, finally rejoining the kids' dad in Arkansas to celebrate my daughter's birthday. We then took off for Canada with Rob's sister, leaving my kids once again with their dad.

We entered Canada on July 21st, via the Windsor Tunnel, and stayed in Toronto for a month, visiting Rob's family and friends, and then took off for B.C. where Rob had some other friends, whom we visited in Gibsons and Vancouver. Then around the 23rd of October, Rob and I, accompanied by our friend Lysanne, from Quebec, took a Greyhound bus from Vancouver, bound for Chico, California, where we had friends who were planning to buy a veggie oil bus, and head together with us to Mexico, where we planned to spend the winter camping and backpacking.

We had to clear US Customs in Seattle, and though I of course had no problem doing so, being a passport-holding US citizen, Rob was denied entry on the basis of his failure to show ties and equities to Canada. He had been backpacking for nearly 2 years, and had not held down a regular job nor held a lease during that time. Failing to get to Mexico by bus, we decided to take a plane directly to Mexico City. Rob applied for a passport, and having paid to have it expedited, got it in time to make our Halloween flight.

Once in Mexico, we traveled around, sightseeing and couchsurfing, and meeting all kinds of wonderful new friends. Then we headed out to a Rainbow Gathering, where we planned to camp for a couple of months, and meet up with our California friends. Unbeknownst to us, I became pregnant during our first week in Mexico, and spent a rough first trimester tent-camping in Veracruz at the Gathering. We had budgeted quite tightly for the winter, planning to live very frugally at the Rainbow, and my pregnancy took us very much by surprise.

In early February, we decided it was time to head back (a month earlier than we'd originally planned) and tried to figure out a way for Rob to clear US Customs at Ciudad Juarez, so that he could accompany me back to Arkansas to pick up my kids and my vehicle, and head to Canada to spend a few months while awaiting the birth of our new baby. We hoped that the border guards would allow Rob to pass through the US to Canada with some sort of time-limited visa, but instead, they detained him for over 9 hours in handcuffs for attempting again to come into the US. They said he had committed no crime, but told him he had to be handcuffed because he was being detained in a restricted area, and they "couldn't just let him wander around."

I, meanwhile, was forced to wait outside on my own, and I hung around until 1 am, on the US side, waiting for him to be let out. I went back to check on his status at that time, and was told that he would be released back into Mexico, "in an hour or two," and that I was welcome to wait for him on the Mexican side. It was cold outside, and I was visibly pregnant and carrying a heavy pack, but they refused my request to let me wait inside the border station for him, or even to make a phone call to our couchsurfing friends in Juarez to get them to come and pick me up! The border guards in El Paso behaved like automatons with no human compassion whatsoever, and I was ejected from their facility to wait alone in the dark for Rob.

We returned to Juarez together to try to regroup for another attempt. We were told by the US Consulate that Rob should show his most recent 6 months of pay stubs and rent receipts for proof of ties and equities, so at great expense, he had his mum overnight that paperwork from 2006 to him at the border. Unfortunately, the officials at US Customs refused to even look at the documents once we arrived there. That was the night of February 14th, 2008, which was also the first occasion on which we felt our baby move. It seemed she wanted her daddy to have tactile evidence of her existence before we were forcibly separated for 5 weeks.

Rob returned to Juarez that night, and I tearfully crossed alone into the US and located a place to couchsurf for a few days in El Paso. Then my kids' dad bought me a bus ticket, and I returned to Arkansas, where I picked up my kids and my truck, and headed to Oklahoma to stay for a while in my home with my sister and her family, who had been renting my house in my absence. Rob's family bought him a plane ticket to Toronto, and we began the long 5 weeks of our first separation, while I got my affairs in the US in order (selling a few items to get my bank account back in the black, finalizing my divorce from my kids' dad, and putting my home on the market) and prepared to come up to Canada to rejoin my mate.

The kids and I finally headed north and on March 27th, but we found ourselves aggressively denied entry to Canada at the Port Huron/Sarnia border. The guard there demanded to see an authorization for foreign travel with minors from my ex-husband, a copy of our joint custody agreement, proof that the kids' US-based health insurance would apply while they were in Canada, my most current bank statement, and a copy of the deed to my house. I wasn't carrying any of these things, so I returned to our couchsurfing spot in Ann Arbor, Michigan, and assembled the required documents that very day, and on the 28th, was ready to present them at the border.

I decided at the last minute to change my route, and went, instead, to the Windsor Tunnel where I had had such a pleasant and quick crossing the summer before. Sure enough, we drove up through the long line of cars to the customs booth, we pulled out our passports, and found ourselves summarily waved through the crossing into Canada. None of the papers I had so painstakingly assembled the day before were required at all! We were simply asked the purpose of our visit, which I said was to visit friends, and how long we would be staying, which I estimated to be 6 months. The guard was pleasant and wished us a pleasant stay! What a difference in treatment we experienced at the two borders!

So on March 28th, Rob and I were happily reunited, and we proceeded to hunt for an apartment. We stayed with his mum for a month, and finally moved into our own place at the beginning of May. We enjoyed the spring and summer there, with my kids finding all sorts of fun activities and lots of other homeschooled kids to hang out with in Scarborough and Toronto. We experienced the miracle of birthing our new little one on July 22, and we all spent a month getting to know her and falling in love with her.

Finally, near the end of August, it was time for my older kids to go back to the US for an unschooling conference in Texas, after which they planned to go and spend a few months with their father in Arkansas. He found some cheap plane tickets for them out of Buffalo, NY, departing at 6:45 am, on the 23rd of August, and we made arrangements to drive them to the border in time for them to catch a taxi to the airport. The Peace Bridge was the nearest crossing to the airport, so in the interest of saving on cab fare, we chose to take them there. Little did Rob and I know that we wouldn't just be saying goodbye to my kids that morning, but also to each other!

We got to the Peace Bridge after a long and harrowing trip down the freeway, which was under construction, and necessitated our taking many detours, which nearly made the kids late for their flight. We arrived in the dark, around 4 am, and not realizing that we had entered US soil while on the bridge, found ourselves being detained for processing at the Buffalo, NY border!

We told the guard at the booth that we merely wished to drop my kids off, but he informed us that it was too late for us to turn back and re-enter Canada without first being inspected by US officials. It was very lucky that there were some humane guards at that crossing, because we were advised that it was within their capabilities at that time to arrest Rob and to ban him from the US for up to 5 years if they so chose! Thankfully, they simply sent him back to the Canadian side, and chose not to process a full-fledged refusal of entry. After we saw the kids off in their taxi, we drove back over the bridge.

When we got back to the Canadian side, much to our shock, I was denied re-entry, when the guard scanned my passport into the computer and discovered that I had been denied entry at the Sarnia border back in March! I was given a list of minimal things I would have to provide in order to even be considered for readmission into Canada. (There is no guarantee that even in the event that I provide ALL these documents, I will be allowed in, since it is at the discretion of the particular guard who happens to be on duty when and where I attempt to cross!)

These items were proof of employment, which I cannot provide, having been a stay-at-home mother for the past 16 years, proof of financial assistance, which I do not receive, proof of financial support, which I can provide, in the form of child support check stubs, and bank statements showing that my ex-husband has been making my mortgage and auto insurance payments for me, copies of my bank statements and the deed to my home, which I can provide, and proof of intention to depart from Canada, in the form of bus, train, or plane tickets, with dates and times on them, which seem ridiculously unnecessary and redundant, since I have my own vehicle.

In addition, there was a space at the bottom of the form I was given where the guard wrote in by hand that I would have to provide, "evidence that application for permanent residency has been started in either the US or Canada." This last thing is probably the most difficult one for me to come up with, since upon visiting the Canadian Consulate, I discovered that I could only apply from the US for residency as a "skilled worker," a designation for which I do not qualify, and that Rob cannot apply to sponsor me in Canada, since I am not his wife, which seems to be the only designation eligible for sponsorship. We also have no way of getting married, since he is not allowed into the US, and I am not able to enter Canada! In addition, our union cannot be considered a common-law marriage, since I have only been officially divorced since April 9th, 2008, and it takes a minimum of 1 year of unmarried cohabitation for that status to apply. What a catch 22!!!

I was very nervous about being turned away, since the only document we had to show for our daughter was a copy of the application we'd made a couple of weeks before to register her birth. We were still waiting on the birth certificate to arrive, and had absolutely no picture ID for her, so I feared she and I might be separated. I am thankful we were not, but at the same time I think that there was serious negligence on the part of the officials there, who never bothered to make sure the baby I was taking out of the country was even mine! She could have been a kidnapped infant for all they knew, and they threw her out of her own home country without taking any time to investigate her identity at all.

The guard who denied my entry was the ugliest-acting official we have dealt with yet in all our travels. She screamed at us and behaved so hatefully that we were in tears as we were ushered out the door, while accusations of sneaking into Canada, and living illegally echoed in my ears. She and four male guards forced Rob into the truck with me, saying that he was required by law to accompany me back to the US border, even though we had just a few minutes before been told that he was by no means to come back to that crossing, under pain of arrest!

Rob got into the truck with me, and we drove to the middle of the bridge, where I stopped the truck and we said our tearful goodbyes, and he gave me all of the cash he had. A maintenance truck came up behind us, flashing its lights, and the woman who got out told us we could not stop there. We kissed goodbye and Rob got out and walked back to Canada to hitchhike back to Toronto, and I drove back over the bridge into the US once again, with my newborn daughter screaming inconsolably in her carseat.

I was flagged at the booth, and the same US guard who had so kindly declined to arrest Rob earlier came and talked to me. When I told him what had happened, he was most sympathetic, though not particularly helpful. He was shocked to learn that Canadian officials had sent Rob back across the bridge with me, and even called them on the phone to confirm it. He said it was a good thing that we had stopped in the middle of the bridge, and that Rob had gotten out and returned to Canada on foot, because he could not guarantee that the officials coming on duty that morning would have been as charitable to Rob as he had! He advised me to go into Buffalo and try to visit the Canadian Consulate when they opened on Monday.

I drove into Buffalo and stopped at a store where I bought some disposable diapers (we normally use cloth diapers, but I had only packed enough changes in the diaper bag for about a 4 hour trip!), a toothbrush, toothpaste, and deodorant. I was crying as I shopped, and a stocker noticed me and asked me what was wrong. I told her a short version of my story, and she got a security guard to come and assist me. The guard spent an hour or so on the phone with various agencies which exist to provide assistance to homeless people, but could not find one which had space for the baby and me. A police officer even came out and added his efforts, but it was to no avail.

I left the store and went to the library, to which the officer kindly guided me in his car. I got online and sent out a bulletin to everyone I know who might be of help, or who would simply like to know of our difficulties. While I was there, I went to the restroom, and heard a woman complaining in the stall next to mine about a lack of toilet paper. I offered her some from my stall, and when we both emerged to wash our hands, she saw that I was wearing my baby in a sling, and we began talking.

I told her what had happened to us, and she tried, with the help of the library security guard, to locate space in a shelter for me and my baby, but they had no better luck than the folks who had tried such a search on our behalf earlier that morning. Finally, she offered for us to come to her home, and stay a while. I found that she was a kind soul with troubles of her own (mostly financial) and made an exchange with her, buying her some groceries and giving her some cash to help her pay her rent in exchange for staying at her place and using her kitchen and her phone.

I stayed at her home for 17 nights, keeping in touch with Rob by phone and e-mail, and wracking my brain about how to rectify this horrible situation. I visited the Canadian Consulate on the 26th of August, but they were of no help, merely telling me that as an American, I do not qualify for a visa, nor should I need one to enter Canada. They gave me a permanent residency application designated for a "skilled worker," which is defined as someone who can prove they have worked in an approved occupation for at least 1 year out of the past 10. This is definitely NOT me!!!

I have spoken with several attorneys, both at Legal Aid, and from the phone book, and none of them think they could get Rob into the US in less than a year. Rob has spoken with a Legal Aid attorney in Toronto who said I should be allowed back into Canada, and even that it is ridiculous that I was denied entry, since lots of non-residents spend years living up to 6 months at a time there, and simply cross the border into the US for 48 hours or so before returning to spend another 6 month period. Nonetheless, the attorney cannot provide me assurance that I actually WILL be allowed into Canada if I return to the border showing what paperwork I have.

On September 10th, I got a courier delivery from Rob, which contained his authorization to travel internationally with a minor, and a certified travel letter about our daughter from the court clerk from the town of Ajax, Ontario, where she was born. I tried to cross the border again that evening, with all the papers in hand that I could muster. I was denied again, and told that I would need additional documentation to get in. The guard, Officer Jason Tealer, of Canadian Customs and Immigration, admitted that the situation is very much discretionary for whichever guard happens to handle our case at the time we attempt to cross, but he said that if I had been able to show the following, he would have let me in:

1. A September US bank statement showing that I am solvent. (This is a relative term, and is subject to the judgement of the border guard who gets our case the next time we cross, but this gentleman said something in the neighborhood of a $3,000 balance ought to satisfy most officers!)

2. A notarized statement from someone licensed to officiate a marriage ceremony in Canada. saying that we have reserved his/her services, and giving the date on which we are to be married. (I think we should try for Halloween, since that would be a realistic date by which we could be expected to be granted the marriage license which will be necessary.)

3. A receipt of application for permanent residency, which Rob must file, in Canada, sponsoring me as a conjugal partner. (If we do not qualify as conjugal partners, in lieu of this, he can provide a sworn statement from an immigration attorney, confirming that he has retained his/her services, pursuant to filing for my permanent residency in Canada.)

I believe I can manage to get these papers together, but there is no guarantee that I will get the same guard I got yesterday, or that another guard will have the same requirements that he did.

Meanwhile, my partner is missing more and more of his daughter's development, and precious babyhood days which are irreplaceable! We have committed no crimes, and have no intention to cause any problems in either Canada or the US. It is monstrously unfair that our new family has been torn apart in this way, simply because the border crossing policies are difficult to discern, and inconsistent from port to port, and because our lifestyle choices are unconventional.

If upon reading this story, you have any ideas about how our little family can be reunited in a timely fashion, either in Canada or the US, Rob and I would be most pleased to hear from you. I can be reached at this e-mail address, and Rob can be contacted by cell phone in Toronto at (647) 637-8642. I would be glad to have the story publicized, but would like to use pseudonyms, if it does get media attention, so please contact me before offering it to the press for publication, so that I can make the necessary changes. Thank you for reading our long, convoluted story, and thanks in advance for any help you may offer.>>

ADDENDUM:


Sorry to be so slow to post this, but we still don't have Internet access at home, and I have to borrow a computer to send out e-mails. I just want to share our happy news with everyone!

Ever and I finally made it home on the 16th of September, in the wee hours of the morning. We crossed the Rainbow Bridge at Niagara Falls, and got a reasonable border guard, who was satisfied with the paperwork I was able to provide. She let us in, and a couple of miles past the bridge, we met sweet Rob, walking along the road in the dark! We have been making up for lost time ever since!!! It is so good to be home, and in each other's company again!

Now we have to get married, and apply for my permanent residency in Canada by November 1st, so I can legally stay in the country. This is going to be expensive and somewhat of a pain, since we have a bunch of red tape to deal with, and yet more government hoops through which to jump! We also have to find a new place to live, and move in within the week!

It's OK, though, because I know our needs will be met in the ongoing flow of well-being, to which we are entitled. I am curious to see how all this turns out. I will post more updates as our story progresses...

Love to all, and thanks for the energy and kind thoughts and powerful visualizations. I know they helped us to get back where we belong! :-)

--
Spiral out!!!
Sylph
spiralsylph@gmail.com